“My Friend Ben”
2021
16 x 20 1 1/2 in.
Professionally sealed
Professional Watercolor and Gauche on Museum Gesso Birch Board


The central symbolism of this work is all about anxiety. Having chronic anxiety and working deadline to deadline often creates a war inside my body. My blood pressure rises, I can’t breathe all I can think about is the end product,masochistically pushing through the work to clear the energy so I can breathe again. Someone who is a hard match romantically and is always knee-deep in her artwork, my high sex drive is something I buried inside my body due to my need for love. Love isn’t always easy to find when you are a raw female artist who needs monogamy in her partners. I am constantly misrepresented and very energy sensitive so I just lock my needs away.
After 10 years it came to a point where I started putting my health first. I Finally decided to get a Hitachi to relieve my sexual pain. The dying flowers in the corner represent my anxiety and my “Lack of color” in my sexual life before Ben. Ben brought color to my life. His power button resembles “my button” and the ability to set it alive with vibration rather then the same old rubbing on objects.
Ben has been a way to stop, release, and get back inside my body. An instrument to help me breathe and stay grounded with my big energy. His bowtie represents the replacement for small moments of the need of a romantic partner. I named him Ben to the simplicity, nothing too exotic or dramatic. Someone reliable, consistent straight to the point. Moments with “My Friend Ben”, have been taking time to enjoy masturbation creating dates and scenarios focusing on love rather than a quick fuck. My orgasms are stronger and I feel lighter, his color created a garden I could play in which allows me to be more present in my daily life.