Seedling Feb 2015- May 2015

Seedling Color; Green 
Seedling I connected with the Left Cerebrum due to the Logic aspect. I knew I needed to get on my own and serious about my art. I needed a community to learn from and help me grow, it was the beginning of Zen, Carl Jung, taking responsibility for my actions and the beginning of a calmer, gentler warrior. I knew I had to make personal changes to beat my illnesses so it was also the beginning of my hippie persona which led to Yoga, multiple whole-food diets /lifestyles and loving the land, and stepping towards purism and Omnism. The first steps of stepping into self-love fully didn’t happen until a couple of months ago in the Rebirth stage. 

In January 2015 I was still living at home and started to make my way downtown to expand my art horizons. I just got out of an on-and-off-again 3 year-long destructive and manipulative relationship which led to wanting to make changes and be more independent. I wanted to be stronger and not dependent on this horrible person whom I had no business letting back into my life when It was convenient. The last breakup broke me but man it was well worth it because well this is how it all started.

I was attending Drink and Draw when I ran into a fellow member of the portrait group I belong to.  My studio just flooded and I was manifesting the opportunity to rent a studio. The synchronism and mystic power of my dear friend at the time oddly felt too familiar as I was led to a small studio for myself in the Secor Building. 

The room was mystic, with weird poetry from prior tenants you had to find hidden in old chaos, there was a yield but also a desperate feel to get uncomfortable. Little did I know how uncomfortable it would get fast after my energy became entwined in the downtown swamp.

This period represents the innocence of an independent step toward professionalism and the need to become a better and known surrealist. A very naive period bringing fresh mediocre surreal pop portraits into the scene with a little idea in the back of my mind I started to turn my old art studio at my parent's house in 2013. The Chaos Gate. A trippy landscape paradise (installation progress)that still fills my soul today and will probably never cease until it is complete. 

A short time to plant my little roots in the comfortable dirt spreading little creative buds hoping to be on my way professionally. 


I paired this with the Cerebellum due to the fact it controls muscle movements, posture, and balance. This was a time of paralyzation of the soul spirit and my creativity that I often symbolize as black tarry tangles stuck in my scapula restricting all flows. 


This represents a very dark time in my life dealing with multiple psychic attacks from cults and other unknown sources, still being wrongfully diagnosed with a heavy mental disorder and being on a number of pharmaceuticals, crossing paths with a dark soul downtown and feeding him energy for 2 years mistaking him for a man I’ve been searching for 11 years and much more.

This was a silent struggling time when I would spill everything I should keep to myself hoping someone would have an answer. Instead, I attracted more and more enemies. There were a number of dark attachments and each day it felt like tubes were literally stuck in my back.

My own blood turned on me, wouldn’t even listen to me, I was blocked spiritually, and I would just collapse without knowing why. 

It came to the point where I lost my ability to draw and focus. There was so much energy being sucked out of me I had to constantly go to the bar to be around people so I wouldn’t shrivel up. I was tortured, framed, forced into an unsigned soul contract, and left to die.

I gained tons of weight, and lost my ability to dance, draw without anxiety and even breathe. True freedom came in spurts and I began shouting out because I knew I was not normal and I knew something just wasn’t right.

This was a time of settling, walking around blindly but still trying to do the right thing. Spending hours cleaning, sleeping, and being completely miserable because all I wanted to do was sleep. And to all those, I talked to no one really got it. 

It was a lonely time when I developed a new style from studying under Jennifer Giovannucci at the Art Depot . Studying the bones led to a darker style with thick lines, and raw art evolving into my personal type of expressionism and automation. 

It was a very frustrating time because the art I did was quick release, to get out the feelings, and what felt like beings inside my body. People would rage about how I drew but I was miserable because I wanted to sink into a beautiful surreal painting and block out the noise.

It's one of the most painful things to not be able to do what you love. My life almost ended multiple times in the period with my own hands and those of others.

Many others. 

I just knew too much.
 

 Awakening July 2016 - Feb 2017

I chose the brainstem as yellow and awakening because I look as gold as a divine color from the heavens tapping into the crown chakra reminding me of who I am and "We Are One". 

The brainstem controls breathing which is a huge part of my healing as I found Yoga which saved my life. The wonderful teachers at The Space: Joni Johnson , Emily, Dakota Cousino ETC have been a huge part of my transformation and my light tribe that keeps me grounded and smiling when I need an anchor (which is still often!)

When I don’t breathe I can’t connect spiritually and align with my soul's purpose. This was very important for my recovery. It also deals with heat rate which I can see visually pumping hard and fast as I retrieve information as a messenger and more fluidly as I connect with the stars in these rare moments of letting go and focus I still to this day have not got a solid grasp on. 

Digestion is a huge part of my awakening as burping cleanses darkness as you can tell my awakening is a very physical and painful process I wish it was all glitter but it really isn’t.  
This marks a time when I was led to a powerful Clairvoyant and found out the truth of my soul being and purpose. It also put a lot of responsibility on my shoulders which took some of the fun away from the art.

This stage is where I really got things moving. It filled a small part of my void answered all those questions most couldn’t and gave me reassurance of my purpose here. 

My art became about the world and a healer as I tried new art styles such as Cotton Candy’s Psycho Expressionism where I could take healing energy and combine it with movement while collecting and delivering ancient information.

Things started to turn around, Alter-egos really raging forward but something still wasn’t right. 


Rebirth Feb 2017- current Right Cerebrum. 

I chose Right Cerebrum for Rebirth due to the link of creativity. I have lost so much creativity in the Entrapment Stage as I heal and remember who I am over the years I start to begin to draw again, as me because I love it. Something I forgot.

This period marks a time when I came in contact with a powerful earth angel who saved my life from Entrapment endangerment. It was a blessing to FINALLY have another breathing person know what's going on without having to explain anything.The loneliness I felt has been unreal even with the best friends in the world. 

I know I sounded whacked, but it was just a matter of being misunderstood. A lot of brainstorming with what I knew and filling the gaps later with new information and correcting past assumptions and informed opinions and truths.

This led to 3 powerful healers within a month, a powerful healing procedure, and more information on my twin soul and purpose. 

It was an intense night of negativity removal from my entire body, mind, and soul. My prayers were finally answered.

To have someone understand a situation that was frowned upon or brainwashed as a fictional fairytale- it’s the most beautiful thing.

I then began opening my heart more, strengthening my mission and skill sets becoming the pure loving mother persona I always have been as the little girl runs free from me one day at a time.

As I begin to rise, my color is coming back, my hopes my dreams and my heart beats a little harder as well. Things are looking up and as my energy returns, those around me can feel my light as well. 

The continuous spirals in this stage represent Rebirth. I am getting more opportunities as I continue to heal so a lot of the drawings in this stage are commissioned and live from various venues.

I'm starting to raise my eyes off the ground, regain my strength as a powerful being, and move forward strong with confidence with the recognition I deserve as a woman, warrior, protector, and artist 100 percent committed until the day I die. 

I now will take these raw styles I have developed over the years and organize them professionally into the five personas after this raw example.

I will also take a break from live shows and finally feed my soul, give up a little more to FULLY focus on the Chaos Gate in peace!

After getting my misdiagnosis, going Vegan, getting off pharmaceuticals after 15 years, and living in a studio, while consuming no drugs or alcohol, it’s no joke I am committed to doing whatever it takes to do this for the rest of my life. 

I am so ready to move FORWARD and am absolutely grateful to the generous and beautiful friends, family, and COMMUNITY that got me to this point today.